OUT FROM LEFT FIELD: BLOOD GLACIER [ENGLISH DUMBED VERSION]

(Oh ho, back from the dead and still not sure of what to do...)

Let it be known: I love creature features.

Nature gone amok. Cryptozoology. Chest-bursting xenomorphs. Mutated alligators in NY sewers. Giant ants borne from nuclear testing. Love it all.

So when I read the synopsis for a movie called BLOOD GLACIER, I'm thinking "That sounds pretty damned cool!' And it is...until people start talking.

BLOOD GLACIER takes place in some snow-encroached research station that consists of 4 scientists and one tracker who basically lives there while scientists rotate in and out at yearly intervals. One day the tracker and one of scientists head up to a satellite post set up next to a mountain when they notice that that same mountain of ice has red streaks running thru it, as if it were bleeding. Hence the title BLOOD GLACIER. The scientist takes some samples back to the main research station and its determined that they contain organsms that are incubators and mutators, combining that DNA of anything within the host's body.
EXAMPLE: A fox eats wood lice and beetles..organism comes in contact with the fox and all the contents of its stomach, it proceeds to combine fox, lice & beetle DNA into a new lifeform.
And if you ate popcorn and nachos and met this organism, would you become that newest taste sensation at the theatre? Do tell!

Got a cherry to put on top? Yum!

(Insert montage of river flows tinted in red that happened overnight. Convenient!)
The original samples began dying off so the tracker and another scientist go back to glacier the next day only to find all the red substance drained from the glacier. Surpriiiiiise!
(I seem to be in an MST3K-tinted sarcasm mood)
But wait there's more: The tracker decides to take a leak on the mountain (wait, there's a river near there...) and in mid-stream is surprised by a fox-lice mutant roughly the size of a Korgi when its curled in a ball. Pissed off that it was pissed on...

Open wide, Mr. fox-lice thingy...

Now they have proof that their DNA mutator organism is real.
From there the plot thickens with the impending visit of 6 more (delicacies) people, one of them a former love interest of Yanick, the tracker. You want drama, we got it.

Yanick's ex: She's a babe!

The wild life start to make their presence known in the form of attacks on anyone in the daytime & nighttime. These attacks are hard and fast and most are fatal. Don't you hate it when the fox-lice thing you wanted to exploit for monetary value and fame suddenly eats your face off?

I don't think a can of RAID is gonna do it...

Beetle-Goat-Fox, at your service!

There are several situations created to build tension but they sorta fall flat.

The movie culminates in one of the most craziest, unforeseen, weird twists that left me saying to the TV "You gotta be kidding me! What? REALLY?" Trust me, it was pretty f'd up.
This is not to say that I didn't enjoy the movie. It does have its momemts and Yanick is pretty much the coolest character even if he can be a little unstable (but who isn't?). And his dog Tinny (didn't sound like Timmy, so there!) plays his role to the hilt. I got a little teary, I admit.

Yanick & Tinny: Best Buds for Life

Also, the mother of the director who plays one of the visiting people was also a surprise as she had some choice lines (but that banana line was just plain weird) and also manned-up alongside Yanick when it counted. And she's a surgeon, to boot! (We think)

One Beetle-Goat-Fox lobotomy coming up!

Now for the bad: I was only able to see this with a badly-written and badly dubbed English language track. I think it would've been better had I seen it with the original German dialog & English subtitles. The English translation was horrible and outright stupid in some cases. Add to that the voices didn't match the characters and the dubbers sounded like they literally didn't want to be dubbing this movie. Most dialogue missed the emotional beat of the situation and the fill-in lines like "Stop eating that banana while you're crying!" really disrupted what little tension there was.Unglaublich.

"STOP EATING THAT BANANA WHILE YOU'RE CRYING!"  I kid you not. And where'd she get the banana?!

All in all, its not a bad creature feature..but sometimes the humans get in the way and maybe even deserved to be attacked. Being attacked is a bad thing...
rating: B : could be better but not in English! Fun to watch but it does need some help.